i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
