My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
