just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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