her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
