I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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