You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
