As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
