taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize