glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
