um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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