when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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