"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize