will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
