WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
