Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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