Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
