Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
