I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
