You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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