Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
