Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
