We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
