I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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