you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
