I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
