She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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