I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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