I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
