): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
