I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
