i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
