Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
