I puked a lego.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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