I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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