Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He did a backflip because drugs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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