is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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