The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
