I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
