I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
