life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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