I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
