Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
