I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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