oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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