Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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