She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
