I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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