I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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