"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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