i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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