if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
