I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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