Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize