Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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