Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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