So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
