My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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