Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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