my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize