Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
