____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're like the curious george of whores
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
