never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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