i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
