I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
