if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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