Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
