He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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