She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
