i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
