ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
whose ass print is on the piano?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
