oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
