Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
