i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
