the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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