UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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