I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
