We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
