The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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