you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
