She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
