if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you would pick up someone in the library
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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