All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
