As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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