Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize